Good-Bye

Good-byes tend to be this thing that is never really talked about. It is when you realize things are coming to an end. My year at the War College has officially ended and now is a time of departures and good-byes. It is hard to say good-bye to people that you have spent a whole year with. I have said good-bye to two of my session mates thus far. In the past I have dealt with good-byes pretty well, I had the ability to move on and just leave everything behind without even looking back, I don't know if it was a good thing. I now am seeing these people that are leaving my life are people I have a deep connection to, people that I love so much. I have never been a crier at things like good-byes, but I have been a blubbering fool with the two good-byes that have already taken place. I think part of it was that I was upset with God. I was upset that these amazing people He has put in my life are now gone, they have moved on and I myself am about to move on. I had a really hard time the past week thinking about all the amazing people I have said good-bye to in the past and all the people that I have to say good-bye to now and I realized that I don't like change as much as I may have claimed in the past. It is a scary thought to me that I don't know what is ahead of me or who is ahead of me. I look at just the past 2 years and I see all the moving around I have done and all the people I have said good-bye to I see that I never knew where I was going to be next or who I was going to meet. And each move was an adventure in itself. I this past week have seen that I desire to find a place that I can call home for more than a few months, a place where I can just settle down and not worry about the time spent there to end or there to be any good-byes.

Overwhelming Desire

recently i have been thinking about desires. it is funny because you always hear people talk about the 'desires of the flesh' or the 'worldly desires', what the crap are these desires that we fall victim to? one of my friends told me that he thinks that through his the evolution of his desires he sees that god has always been his true desire. it is interesting to think that we desire all this stuff and the reason we desire it is because we desire god. who would have thought? i have been seeing in my own life that i have been chasing after these empty desires with the hope of satisfaction, but with fulfilling these desires i seem to be left more and more empty, wanting more. and it is a vicious cycle we chase after these empty desires to be left with a greater desire. through this wild goose chase we fall victim to things of this world......depression, loneliness, self-hatred, etc. why are we so easily fooled? to think that we will be satisfied by these things? why do we continue in this cycle? it is almost like we hope the next time it would end with a different result, but we soon find out that the end result is the same. what we need to realize is that we truly desire god. our heart cries out for him. all the things we are unsatisfied by just show us how much we need him. if we truly want to be satisfied and happy and content we have to see our desire is god, it always has been. get rid of the lies that make you think that the things of this world can give you what you want, they will soon perish and the only thing that there will be is god!